I’m in a widows/widowers group on facebook, and it really helps to hear what others are feeling and know you’re not alone in feeling that. He has two sons in which the oldest one wanted nothing to do with him until he could come in for money after his dad’s death and the youngest did love him. We call it Connor’s Birthday Kids! Eleanor, Thank you for your post and your continuing work on this website. Then I realised he had spent the rest of his life with me physically. It’s not like we lived in Russia, that the government came in one day with the Law and snatched children away from a perfectly law-abiding and innocent family but that’s how they and everyone else in that family acts about it. I am driving sorry for your loss . It was Kenny that got me through Joey’s death. He is still with me spiritually. Thank you so much for stating this ! I said to someone recently when she said ”I was widowed then and I was effectively single” (how I didn’t take her head off I don’t know) Anyway I said ”your mom has passed then?” she looked puzzled and said ”yes” I retorted ”you haven’t got a mom then. I am happy to know that death may end a life, but not a relationship. How would she feel? Linda Bolt  July 2, 2019 at 5:36 am Reply. She was one of the most kind person and always so full of life and happy. I am not unwell as some might think. I lost my husband of 51years two years ago. my relationship one on one with god my daughter and granddaughter keeps me going one day at a time. Death ended my husband life. That would make me feel so much better xoxoxo Love him always!!!! My mother died a year later of a broken heart. They appeared to greatly dislike the idea of carrying someone through life. I was blessed to be with him. It is also common to wonder if they still care. Initially, and culturally, I thought that once she made a transition to heaven that I would grieve and mourn and I would be able to continue living as most people were describing or talking about. I want to buy her a present now that I have a few dollars in my pocket. There are various paths one can take in … Thank you so much for sharing how you crave and pursue your mom. It isn’t always easy but worth it when I see the smiles on the kid’s faces. Death and Grieving were my only teachers. I hope to here from you, if not it’s ok :..: I just wish you peace and comfort. I cling to scraps of my mother. It is the “secondary losses” we can’t imagine…or anticipate. And now they are in heaven TOGETHER and they both send me text. Do what is best for you and your loved one…and be happy. I’m jealous of so called friends and their strange obsessions w him. He wanted to die at home in his bed and we were able to keep hm at home,hospice came daily. kathleen lane  April 8, 2020 at 10:54 pm Reply. We had plans of starting our family he had four boys and deeply wanted two little girls. I adorn the urn with one of his rugby shirts. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Last year and half he has been coming to me with a beautiful fragrance…so thankful for this. Reading the other posts reassures me that I am not abnormal. I think what you’re feeling is very normal. gloria  January 9, 2016 at 9:21 am Reply. The sun will never be quite as bright again. There never will be. And loss. it will be a year in one week. Although I do now feel like I know this guy too much, some guy who was killed in land warfare before I was 4 years old. You have described exactly what I am going through after loss of my husband/best friend from cancer too young. I am doing my best to keep her alive. They saw it as coddling someone as opposed to helping them. Infact I believe stuff like this is healthy. His love of fun & birthdays lives on. he loved nature the mountains and his family. It’s only been 5 months since I lost my husband, and I’ve come to realize the hard way that unless you’ve been through a tremendous loss, you just don’t understand. I consider myself “lucky” that I can leave her room just as she left it. I'm still dreaming about him, though. I’ll take anything I can get. I want my husband to be aware of me and remember I was his wife on earth. He is also devastated. I asked Ken if I would have died if I hadn’t gone to the hospital and he said yes. His kid or anyone else can’t take away what you had… that’s yours to keep… you’re in my heart! what comforting thoughts from so many people that have lost a loved one. Fortunately I am not alone. I miss them both so much. Both of my “moms” have died, the one who adopted me passed away in 2007, and I have no idea how to feel about ANY of it. You will have all eternity together. I don’t think surviving my grief would be possible if I couldn’t have an ongoing and evolving relationship with my beloved husband. She was a big journal-er, but I am afraid what I may find. And no one can understand unless you’ve been through this horrible ordeal. i wished i could say that I know he is watching over me and waiting form me.. I’m trying to keep is memory alive I still haven’t received that sign from him saying he is OK! I stayed with her for 9 months of that time to take her to her surgeries and chemo and other appointments so her husband could work and I could feel useful, shopping and keeping house for them, but I was not there when she died. Without my 2 beautiful grandsons, it would be much more difficult for me to move forward. Thank you for your words. I lost my loving husband three months ago. I don’t want to be alone but I don’t feel like having anyone around.He had three brothers and I don’t know if they want to be alone or need someone around. My son died 7 years ago.